2025 loser of Mayor’s of Melrose Fantasy Football
MELROSE—Amid news of devastating budget cuts, bizarre Executive Orders in Washington, and the slander of elected officials on social media, it is important to hold close those things that truly matter and bring joy to households all over America, and especially in Melrose: Fantasy Football.
That is, unless you are Melrose native Jason Buggy, who finished dead last in the Mayors of Melrose Fantasy Football League for the 2024 season.
Las Vegas line-makers had high hopes for Buggy during the preseason, being a member of the MHS graduating class of 1990—widely known to be the most gifted, intelligent, and good-looking class in the 157-year history of the school. Those line-makers proved themselves as flawed as Jason’s own penchant for recognizing and picking talent, and his life in general.
Not one of Jason’s six older siblings would comment on the embarrassment brought to his extended family, nor could Jason be located when the news broke. He is believed to have absconded to the North Pole for solace and consult with the Kringle Family, with whom he is rumored to have a special relationship. Additional rumors of an elicit affair with Mrs. Claus have never been proven true. A note left behind at his home stated, “The Cream always rises to the top!”
Buggy is expected to extend his sabbatical throughout the year, as League By-laws mandate his full suspension for the 2025 season. While League members agree he is historically a large presence at League events, and a past Champion, he will not be missed.
The Mayors of Melrose is a highly elite, invitation-only fantasy football league originated in Melrose. Members’ identities and prizes are strictly confidential and usually unconfirmed. Failure customarily results in public shaming and suspension.