By MAUREEN DOHERTY
NORTH READING — Under gloriously blue skies with plenty of sunshine and steady breeze just strong enough to keep dozens of flags aloft, the town’s hour-long Veterans’ Day ceremony lived up to its billing Saturday.
The toll war takes on veterans and those who love them and know them best — their families — was front and center. And taking care of the emotional wellbeing of veterans and active military members as well as the family and friends they leave behind was brought to the forefront on this Veterans Day.
Debbie Aldrich, a member of the Veterans Event Committee as well as a retired elementary teacher, was one of three special guest speakers. And she knew exactly how to reach the youngest attendees. Instead of speaking from behind the podium, she gathered the youngest participants from the Daisy Girl Scouts and Cub Scouts for story time by inviting them to come sit on the grass in front of the podium and then she got down to their level and read a story about the veterans they meet every day in their own neighborhoods and they even learned what it meant to be a Gold Star Mother – someone who lost a child in war – and what it means to mourn such a profound loss and to have your community support you and your family in such a tragic time. The book she read to them was “Veterans: Heroes in Our Neighborhood,” by Valerie Pfundstein, illustrated by Aaron Anderson. Not all of the biographies in this story were sad as many families reunite after long absences for military service and lead long and happy lives and they learned that each of the military members featured in this story were based on real people.
Veterans Director Sue Magner, an Air Force veteran, comes from a long line of military service. She shared her personal story of the many battles faced by family members over the past 30+ years, from her older brother serving in the first Desert Storm back in 1990-91 to her second oldest son wanting to be just like his uncle from the young age of 7. Indeed, her son Christopher served in the Marines for over 20 years and is now a master sergeant in the Reserves. Over his many deployments in harm’s way starting in Iraq in 2003 and then Afghanistan and Africa, she described the toll these deployments in 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2008 took on her and her other children. To make matters worse, her nephew Joshua Bernard joined the Marines in 2006. He served one tour in Iraq in 2008 while his cousin Chris Magner was in Afghanistan. Though Joshua returned safely from that deployment, a year later, he was deployed to Afghanistan and was killed in action on Aug. 14, 2009 when his unit was ambushed. He was only 21.
“The loss of Joshua to this day still haunts us all. You see military families never get over it…we only learn to live with it. There isn’t a day that goes by that we all think of our beloved Joshua,” Magner said.
Later in 2009, Magner’s youngest son Kyle joined the Marine Corps Reserves to honor his cousin. Two years later, the brothers were both deployed to Afghanistan — one in the south and the other in the north. “The stress of having one deployed was difficult to bear but now I had two sons deployed in the same war zone. It was very hard on their sister as she now had two of her older brothers serving overseas,” she said.
“Through the years I was asked why I didn’t go on vacations… I just couldn’t. For me going on a vacation was like abandoning my sons. I wouldn’t do more than a day trip because for me it didn’t feel right to be out having fun soaking up sun when my sons are sleeping on hard surfaces, in the sand, against tires to rest their eyes, carrying around 100lbs+ packs, occasional showers, and temperatures well into the 100’s and no shade. It just didn’t feel right. Moreover it was the fear of a knock on the door that I watched my brother and his family endure,” Magner said.
The third story was told by Kristi Stephens, who grew up in North Reading the youngest of five children of Ed and Lia Stephens. Her dad was a proud Vietnam veteran but the medical issues he faced as a result of that experience were extreme.
“In 2000, when I was four years old, my dad would have his first of many post war-related health scares, a brain aneurysm. From there on, his conditions would only worsen. By the time I reached 8 years old, my dad had left side paralysis in his arm with no functional ability, and was barely able to walk. Growing up, I was a huge tomboy. I came from a big sports family, and instantly followed my siblings’ lead, participating in athletics. For instance, I played goalie in soccer. My dad would never be able to kick a soccer ball to me to help me practice my stopping skills. I played baseball, but we would never play catch. Mini golfing in the summertime always made me smile, but he would never be able to make it on the course to see a hole in one,” recalled Stephens.
“When I finally reached age 16, he was fully wheelchair bound. I went to take the test for my Driver’s License, but he wasn’t able to be the one who showed me the ropes behind the wheel. By the time I was a senior in high school, he had already suffered through several strokes and heart attacks. I remember vividly how in school, your classroom phone would ring with a call from the office if a student needed to be dismissed. Each peer excitedly wondering if they would be able to leave school early that day. But, I remember the sheer panic I would feel. I would think to myself ‘Yep. This is it, today is the day. I’m in math class, and I’m going to get the call that my dad passed away.’”
His conditions worsened after she graduated high school and her family spent their days taking care of him at home or in the hospital.
“I watched the fear in my father’s eyes countless times that he didn’t feel good, always thinking that his time was about to come to an end. In 2018, it eventually did after a long battle with kidney disease. I was 22 years old. Throughout his lifetime, my dad suffered from a brain aneurysm, four strokes, four heart attacks, paralysis, seizures, kidney disease, neuropathy, PTSD, and had 11 stents put into his body. Much of these are attributed to the effects of Agent Orange in Vietnam,” Stephens said.
Although it saddens her to know that her dad will never meet his eight grandchildren with one on the way or walk her down the aisle when she gets married, she recalls happier memories of him.
“My dad was the most courageous man. He suffered through the battle in active duty, but also for years long after the war was over. I mourn the life we could have had if he wasn’t draped with so many ailments. But I will always cherish the man that had the fight in him to keep going day after day. The man that sat and watched Forrest Gump with me. The man that taught me how to play Go Fish. The man that always made sure to keep smiling, be there as a dad in any possible way that he could, and to always remind me that, “today is a good day, to have a good day,” she said.
And that was the best lesson to be learned on this Veterans Day at the top of town common where several hundred people came to pay their respects to the men, women and families who endure the seen and unseen battles of war.